Hello God.
Hello Edward.
Before we begin I want to thank you.
You’re welcome.
Don’t you want to know what I’m thanking you for?
It doesn’t matter.
What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?
What matters is that you are grateful. It matters not why. And I joyously accept your thanks, whatever it may be for.
Well, I’m going to tell you what it’s for, since that’s what I want to talk about, at least for the first part of this session.
Good. Tell me.
Well, you know how earlier today I told you it was time for you to “show me the money,” if you wanted me to keep moving forward with this work in the world?
Hello God.
Hello Edward.
Before we begin I want to thank you.
You’re welcome.
Don’t you want to know what I’m thanking you for?
It doesn’t matter.
What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?
What matters is that you are grateful. It matters not why. And I joyously accept your thanks, whatever it may be for.
Well, I’m going to tell you what it’s for, since that’s what I want to talk about, at least for the first part of this session.
Good. Tell me.
Well, you know how earlier today I told you it was time for you to “show me the money,” if you wanted me to keep moving forward with this work in the world?
I do.
Well you did.
Of course I did. You thought I would not?
Well I’ve asked before, perhaps not quite so bluntly, but in the past, you have not responded.
Do you really believe that I have ever failed to respond to your requests?
Well, sometimes it appears that way.
The problem has not been in my response, but rather in your ability to accept the response. When you have asked for money, for instance, I have placed everything you needed to receive the money in your life. At that point it has been up to you.
So you’re saying that the issue is in my ability to receive?
Yes.
So then why was today different?
Not only have you opened up to receive, you have begun the process of re-sanctifying money, and, perhaps most important, you followed through on the actions in the physical world necessary to magnetize the actual, physical money into your life.
It’s true. I did stretch myself today by putting out the book offer and the request for support.
Do you see what you did?
I asked for help.
Yes. What else?
I allowed myself to be seen.
In what way?
In a real way.
How was it real?
I was honestly and openly stating what I had to offer and what I needed.
Yes. And what sort of position did that put you into?
Oh, I see. I allowed myself to be vulnerable.
Yes. And what did that vulnerability lead to?
Support, collaboration, a sense of community.
Yes and what else?
Strength is what comes to me.
How is it that vulnerability led to strength?
I’m not sure.
Explore it.
Well, making this request pushed me. Or rather I pushed myself through the fear and doubt associated with this request.
Good.
Yes. It is. And I feel like I really did come from a more authentic place in asking for support rather than just offering or marketing or selling. But here’s where I get a bit confused. Are you suggesting that in order for me to be successful, I have to be vulnerable?
I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just asking you to explore what happened today.
Well, one thing that was different was that I sent the email to friends and family, not my coaching newsletter.
How did that feel?
It was actually more difficult.
Why?
Because they all know me.
Why did that make it more difficult?
I’m not sure.
Explore it.
Well I guess I think that people have a certain perception of me, and I don’t want to run the risk of shaking that perception.
Why is it important to let people maintain their perception of you?
Well it seems to be working. People like me.
And you think they won’t if you share what you’re up to with them?
I guess so.
So lets look at the worst case scenario: What if some of them don’t like what you’re up to? What if some of them disown you, disinherit you, call you name and never talk to you again?
I’d be upset.
And?
And I’d get over it.
Yes, I believe you would. So now lets look at the best case scenario: What if some of them love what you’re doing? What if some of them become your most active cheerleaders and begin sharing your work with all of their friends? What if some of them offer to help you, invest money or time or talent to help you get this work out into the world?
That’s terrifying to me.
Why?
I don’t know.
Explore.
I’m not sure I can explore any deeper with this.
Why?
I’m feeling a lot of resistance in my body. I’m feeling on the edge of something that could toss me over that edge, and I don’t want to go there right now.
Breathe… let the breath bring you into a place of peace. You are writing about your inner adversaries, are you not?
Yes.
Well it seems you are in the presence of one at this moment.
Yes. It seems so.
Well what better time to battle an inner adversary than when you are in session with God?
I can’t think of a better time.
Than lets go.
All right. Let me take another moment to breathe.
Good.
Well the breathing was only moderately helpful.
What are you feeling?
Anxious. Tense. Tight in my belly and solar plexus.
Great. All good signs of preparation for battle. Now go and explore why it’s terrifying for you to make yourself visible to people you know.
Ok. I’m just going to start writing whatever comes up.
Perfect.
Well first, I’ve always been this way. Well I don’t know about always, but for at least as long as I’ve been in the “adult” world, it has been much harder for me to share what I’m doing with people I know. It’s much easier to be anonymous. When I was performing, I would much rather perform to a large group of people I don’t know then a small, intimate group of people I do know.
Why? What will people see in a small group that they won’t see in a large group?
I think it’s more about what I’ll see. In a small group, I’ll have to look at them. I’ll have to look at them looking at me. I’ll have to talk to them after. I’ll have to listen to their comments.
And what is so hard about that?
I’m stuck here. I need some help.
Great. Thank you for asking. First…
I know, breathe.
Yes. Now. Let’s change course for a moment. What is this battle about? Use your intuition and see if you can discover what you are fighting for here.
Well it sounds goofy, but I’m fighting for the right to be me.
Why would you say it sounds goofy?
I guess it’s more that it sounds a bit melodramatic.
It’s not goofy and it’s not melodramatic. Do you think, for a moment, that you are the only one fighting for the right to be yourself?
No.
What are doing with your clients?
I’m helping them gain the right to be themselves.
Yes. And I’m helping you do the same. Do you think I want you to be something other than yourself? Do you think that it serves the world for you to be something other than yourself?
No.
No? No? That’s all you can say?
Well, I sense that you’re getting a bit excited.
I am. I am excited because you are on the threshold of becoming more fully you! You are at a place where you are battling the inner beliefs and voices and patterns that hold you back from your greatness. For your greatness lies in being fully and truly and openly and honestly and vulnerably YOU. No one else.
Yes. I hear that. I know that. So what can I do, right now, in this moment to slay these inner adversaries that want me to remain less than fully me?
Do you want to be YOU?
Yes.
I don’t believe that for a second.
I want to be fully me.
Better. But I’m still not convince.
Dear God, thank you for being my ally in this battle. I choose, now, in this moment, to step into the fullness of my Being… oh that sounds so cheesy. I can feel it for an instant and then it floats away. I just don’t think I can do it here. Maybe we need to work on this again tomorrow.
That is your decision. But as your coach I would encourage you to take advantage of this opportunity. You are right at the edge, at the place where you can make a dramatic shift in your beliefs and patterns.
It just seems so bizarre to be doing this work here in this crowded, noisy café.
Aren’t you the one writing about bringing meditation into daily life, and creating a life of active meditation?
Yes, I am. But this just seems a bit extreme. The contrast between the work we’re doing and the external environment feels weird.
And weird is good, remember?
Yes. Ok. Let’s keep going, at least until my battery dies. We’ve got another 20-minutes.
Good. It you were in a physical battle, this is the time when you would be exhausted. You would be facing an equally tired opponent. Both of you waiting for an opening. Both of you hoping for a quick and decisive victory. Neither of you ready to admit defeat. Neither of you ready to make a tactical retreat. In order to defeat your opponent you will need to call upon your reserves. You will need to draw upon the energy in the air around you, the energy in the earth. You will need to access the hidden sources of vitality.
I feel that. I feel the energy coming into me and through me.
Good.
And I still feel the tightness in my throat, and belly and solar plexus. But it’s less constricting. I feel the energy that I’m drawing in opening up those spaces.
Good.
This energy is really me!
Aha. You’re getting it.
That’s what this battle has been about.
Yes.
As I become more fully myself, I access more of the energy around me. I activate more of the field around me.
Yes.
So as I consciously activate the field around me I increase my ability to defeat my inner adversary, and when I defeat him, I activate more of the energy around me.
Yes.
And here comes the doubt again. He’s not done fighting. He’s sending me the voice that says, “You don’t really think for a moment that you’re going to publish this do you? Who in their right mind would read this? And if they do, what do you think they’re going to think about you?”
Good.
That’s good?
Absolutely. You heard it. You deflected that attack. Now you can counterattack.
But I don’t feel like I deflected it. I feel like it hit me right in the gut and in the temples, and a bit in my ear.
Is it a mortal wound?
No.
Good, then get up and fight.
Wow, that was quite a surge of energy you sent me.
I didn’t send you anything more than what is always available to you. You merely opened up to receive it.
Well it was good. And I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to attack this enemy.
Remember what you are battling for.
The right to be me.
Yes. Claim it.
I claim the right to be me.
Stronger.
I claim the right to be me.
More powerful.
I claim the right to be me.
Good. Again.
I claim the right to be me.
Yes. How does it feel?
It feels like power mixed with a bit of anger.
Add in a pinch of compassion.
For whom?
For yourself. For you enemy. For everyone around you in that café.
Wow. That was amazing. Everything softened, and yet stayed powerful.
Yes. How does it feel when you breathe?
It feels like the battle is over but that I need to tend to my wounds. It feels like it’s time to rest and integrate and heal.
And what do you sense about your inner opponent?
I sense that he may have made a tactical retreat. I’m not sure that I defeated him completely.
And that is ok. The important thing is that you claimed more of your power. You claimed your right to be YOU in a much bigger way. Now go home and rest. Sleep well tonight. You earned it.
Thank you God.
No, it is I that offer my thanks to you.
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