1/18/06 - Knowing Where You're Stuck

Hello God.

Hello Edward.

I’m feeling a bit stuck.

Where?

Here.

And where is here?

Here is in a space of…I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s a bit dark, a bit down. I really think that stuck is the best word.

Stuck describes your level of movement, not your condition. If your car was stuck, it would be important to know if it was stuck in mud or snow or on ice, or if a tire was flat or the battery dead.

I see what you mean. So let me take a moment and describe the circumstances of my stuckness.

Good.

Hello God.

Hello Edward.

I’m feeling a bit stuck.

Where?

Here.

And where is here?

Here is in a space of…I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s a bit dark, a bit down. I really think that stuck is the best word.

Stuck describes your level of movement, not your condition. If your car was stuck, it would be important to know if it was stuck in mud or snow or on ice, or if a tire was flat or the battery dead.

I see what you mean. So let me take a moment and describe the circumstances of my stuckness.

Good.

First, though, I want to mention that just that intention to describe my stuckness has begun to loosen it.

Wonderful.

Yes. Ok. There is more than a bit of victimness in this stuck place. It feels a bit reactionary, both in the sense of taking me back to old patterns and in the sense of reacting to the very positive week I had last week. There is an element of fear, more than an element. Fear is strong in this stuck place. It’s a fear of moving too far out of my comfort zone. It was amazing to see just how smoothly and abundantly life flows when I allow it. And there is fear at the power inherent in that awareness. The question, “how much of my life do I control?” has been coming up a lot lately. People are wanting to know. I am wanting to know. The answer that I’m getting is in the form of another question: “How much of my life do I WANT to control?” That is a scary answer/question, because it implies that I have the potential to control my entire life. This stuckness is, in part, a reaction to that. It stems from my desire to have life controlled for me. I’m rambling a bit. Feel free to jump in anytime.

You’re not rambling, actually. You’re exploring a very important issue. And you’re just beginning to get to the heart of the issue.

Which is?

How much of your life do you want to create? And please notice that I used the word create, not control.

Yes, I see that. And I think I understand the distinction: Control implies a desire to know the outcome of every situation in every moment. Creation is open to all possibilities. Control is static. Creation is dynamic. Control wants things and people to “act” a certain way. Creation welcomes surprises. Control judges and compares the present with the past. Creation revels in the present. Control is boring. Creation is fun. Control is stuck. Creation is flow.

Nicely said.

Thanks. I feel it. I could feel my body shifting from control to creation.

How does it feel?

Well there is much sadness for some reason. And creation doesn’t need to know why. Control asks why. Creation says “yes.”

Very good. I’ve never heard it put in quite those terms. So you are saying yes to this sadness without asking why.

I’m doing the best I can in this moment.

That’s all you can do.

Is it?

Last time I checked there was not much better than best.

But what if I’m just saying that I’m doing my best, but not really doing my best?

Edward, you have a wonderful way with words. And you have a wonderful way with berating yourself. It is very easy to compare yourself to others or to an ideal that is as yet outside of your grasp. It is a heavy burden to see possibilities that remain beyond your reach. Seeing the possibilities and recognizing that you are not quite there yet, does not mean that you are doing less than your best. If a tennis player wishes to become a champion he does not look at those ahead of him and say, “I’m not doing my best because I’m not as proficient as they are.” He looks to those ahead of him as examples and inspiration, knowing that by doing his best in each moment, he will reach their level. As it is with tennis, so it is with your personal evolution. Look to the possibilities for inspiration not for despair. Let yourself trust that in each moment you are doing your best. Even when your best does not feel good enough, trust that it is. I trust that it is.

Really?

Absolutely. It is actually impossible for you to do anything other than your best.

But that statement just seems so unbelievable to me. That would mean that if I decided to become a professional couch potato that I would be doing my best.

And you would be.

That doesn’t seem right to me.

That is because you have a judgment that being a couch potato is a bad thing.

Yes. I probably do.

What if I told you that becoming a couch potato is one of the highest spiritual practices that a person can pursue?

I would suggest that you’re trying to make a point.

I am.

And what is your point?

That when you let go of judgment about what activities are good and bad you have a lot more freedom to do your best at whatever it is you’re doing.

I get that, but I still don’t believe that you’re serious about the couch potato thing.

There is truth to what I said. Not for you, I tend to believe.

What do you mean?

I mean that your path seems to lie somewhere off the couch.

So are you saying that for some people, being a couch potato really is their highest spiritual practice?

Absolutely.

And you mean it?

Definitely.

Well that gives me something to consider.

Don’t consider it for too long.

I don’t think I will. I’m going to spend some time exploring the control vs. creation shift.

That’s a good one to explore. I’ll look forward to hearing about what you discover.

And I’ll look forward to talking with you more about it. So for now, thank you.

You are quite welcome.

Comments

[Savanah]

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[air jordan]

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